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:iconshadowfletcher: More from shadowFletcher


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Art. by DarkMatery


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Submitted on
July 4, 2010
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759 bytes
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657
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34 (who?)
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19

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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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tell me again what i once knew
when i was never alone
and you never let me go

tell me what life was like
when the sun bathed in the sea
and the fish danced on the waves

tell me how we used to fly
when the clouds laughed
and the stars kissed our faces

tell me how the horses ran
when the moon was full
and the wind whisked their manes

tell me of the sunsets
when the sea was wine-dark
and your heart was as a bird

tell me how we used to touch the sun's rays
when our dreams were a sweet reality
and time was held in the palms of our hands
My 48th submission for the 100TC.
I've been whimsical lately. :O_o:

EDIT: I thought this slightly fit the theme "freedom" for #xWritersUtopiax's contest. So... I submitted it. x3
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:iconhannahdavies666:
hannahdavies666 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2010
Beautiful. I can't say more, it's beautiful. I think this has my vote.
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks. ;)
Reply
:iconfaolen:
faolen Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2010  Professional Writer
Very lovely. I love the description you used.
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconshawtjyrarph363:
ShawtJyrarph363 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2010  Student Digital Artist
Wow that's good! I like it :)
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks. :D
Reply
:iconshawtjyrarph363:
ShawtJyrarph363 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2010  Student Digital Artist
Welcome (:
Reply
:iconlostinthedarkandcold:
lostinthedarkandcold Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2010   Writer
i like it a lot, the curiousity of a child is a great topic.
puncuation and capitalization, it's not necessary, but it makes the presentation of the poem look a little bit better. but otherwise i loved it.

:iconauthors-ink:
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks so much! :D
Reply
:iconlostinthedarkandcold:
lostinthedarkandcold Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2010   Writer
no problem. :D
Reply
:iconmsbrandydoll:
MsBrandyDoll Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow, this is really good.
You're imagery is great and I love how you can relate to it.
Well done! :clap:
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks. :)
Reply
:icontinkertrex:
TinkerTrex Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2010  Student General Artist
I like this poem enough to critique it, lucky you! I'm not usually good at poetry critique, that's why... :blush:

The poem's overall tone feels like an older person (or just someone who longs for childhood again) asking someone they love deeply to show them how to re-imagine the world again, like they're tired of the cynical world as it stands and wants to revert back to a time to where even simple things were beautiful and enjoyable. but that's just my interpretation. <3

Were the no capitals on purpose, as if to make the poet seem smaller and more pleading/willing to go back to more optimistic times? If so, that was a lovely touch, and if not, that's just lazy ;)

tell me what life was like
when the sun bathed in the sea
and the fish danced on the waves - That just sounds gorgeous to me, for some reason. Heck, the whole thing was vivid and flowing, and all the details and stanzas connected to the big idea. :aww:

Entering this into the Freedom contest is a good idea, as childhood as this poem puts it, is a time of freedom, joy, and escape.
I absolutely love this, and want to put it up on my wall or something (my actual house wall, not the facebook kind. Then again...):love:
Elizabeth "Almost never reviews poetry" Quizilla from #The-Writers-Review :heart:
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2010  Student Writer
Aww, thank you so much.
I'm sooo glad you like it - and I really appreciate your critique. :D

And yes, I didn't put capitals into it because it would have ruined the whole image the rest is supposed to portray - if that makes sense. =P

:heart:
Reply
:icontinkertrex:
TinkerTrex Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2010  Student General Artist
:hug: Anytime! It really is lovely. :3

Good, that's what I was hoping for~ :XD:
Reply
:iconmelody-hikari:
Melody-Hikari Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I really liked this! Great job. ^^
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks. :meow:
Reply
:iconlady-achika:
Lady-Achika Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2010
Beautiful, thrilling piece of poetry. Every line of it screamed with brilliance! Wonderful work. It was easy to picture everything you wrote.
Reply
:iconshadowfletcher:
shadowFletcher Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks so much. I really appreciate your commenting. :D
Reply
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